Hello everyone!
It's been ages since I last wrote here,I rant to people now most of the times so yeah.
And also Twitter, but not so much because I'm a bit worried that people might get annoyed which should be the last thing I ever have to think about.
I went through my blog a few days ago and surprisingly, it kind of brought back all the the things that have happened back in years ago. I mean like, I ACTUALLY DID MAKE IT INTO A BLOGPOST THAT I CAN READ AGAIN. For example, I just knew that I've only worked for two months at the previous boutique but I said I worked for four months in my latest resume LOL.
Life?
Plain? Boring? Emotional roller coaster?
I've just finished matriculation,so I stayed home all day, did all the housewife things (COME MEMINANG ME ALREADY jk), and now I'm working as a boutique assistant but resigning soon though!
I'm writing again because I just need a medium to express what I feel? I think writing a post would help me, a place that I can let out everything that I cannot speak, and got no limits most importantly hehe.
(I START TO GET EMOTIONAL FOR NO REASON)
These past few weeks,I've been having mood swings, really bad ones I would say. At one second, I laugh out loud. The next second,you would see me crying so hard. For no reason. Maybe deep down,I do know the reasons but it may sound ridiculous,doesn't make sense at all to others, things that even if I tell people, they still won't understand, like WHAT ARE YOU CRYING ABOUT YOU CRYBABY ??? THERE'S NOTHING TO CRY ABOUT!!
I've been overthinking a lot. Things that I never thought it could affect me this much. I never thought that seeing people having a life could make me overthink so much. I'm happy to see them having their lives sorted,but it makes me think about myself. Like,
'when am I gonna have my life sorted?'
'Can I be succesful one day?'
'Can I achieve what I dream of?'
'Why can't I go out like my friends?'
'Why do I feel very suffocated inside?'
'Why do I not have life like others?'
and the list goes on and on....
IT WOULD TAKE THE WHOLE POST TO LIST EVERY SINGLE THING.
(the songs I'm listening to now is not helping, now i feel like crying again gosh HAHA)
It sucks to feel like this. It happens more often now compared to before. I used to get them only when my periods are coming but now,it happens whenever it feels like to be it when I'm with my family or when I'm out and about,anywhere, anytime.
I don't know exactly the things that have turned me into such a fragile human, probably because I repeat the same boring thing everyday that may lead to become emotionally exhausted. I,personally,think that it might be one of the major things that affect because I like to be busy, I like to have things to do, I love to see everything neat, I like to plan my days, but when this happens, I just don't have the energy to do anything. I prefer to overthink and cry again and repeat. That sucks gosh.
and you know what, I feel so much better while writing this because I can type out the things that I'm thinking. I hate to keep it within myself, I rasa serabut, I rasa semak. I'm a very chatty person so imagine a very talkative one, keeping everything to myself,that's...hard man. It's hard when you can't explain to people why you are crying but at the same time, you need them to accompany you. It's hard when they have to deal with your mood swings everytime it happens. It is annoying. I,myself,feel that it is annoying when I become like this.
I tried to find things to distract me like watching movies, going through social medias but all of those things didn't help much. 1 I am very picky about movies 2 social medias sometimes are the reason why I feel even worse.
Maybe, I should try harder to have a...life. Plan things. Do different things everyday. Read more books. One chapter a day so I will have things to do everyday lol. Try new recipes. Try to find things that can make me have fun other than going out because I'm in the process to become a stay-home-person or else,my parents would sjhbisbsiks LOL. You know,yeah hahaha.
I feel better now so this is it for now. Bye piPOL.
