Danielle and I

 Wow, what a time to finally be back on blogspot! 

However, tonight is a bit different than the other usual boring days. I was casually doing the colouring painting drawings that have been going viral so of course I need to join the bandwagon hehe. I'm not anymore the same person I used to be, I prefer to go straight into the point now so this post is basically about how Danielle and I are really a very two different entities. 

Why do I write his name as 'Danielle'? Because it would sound too cringey if I use the correct spelling. There's always a limit to how much cringey shits I could take HAHA. 

To be honest, I never really expected our relationship would last this long. I'm always the type who dates-to-marry because I find it very pointless and a waste of time to have short-term relationships. I don't judge who have a list of exes though, I mean it's your life, it's you to decide however you want to live your life but in my case, we were not having it really good at the beginning. I don't know if this is accurate but people say first borns cannot be together with first borns as well as both of them have their own tempers, really hot-headed and very strongly opinionated which described us almost perfectly. Both of us are stubborn in different ways, very strongly opinionated like sometimes we cannot accept each other's opinion I'd be judging him like why is your mind even working like that and the list could go on. Many things could have been the reasons for us to break up but somehow, we managed to get this far. Perhaps not as far as the others but still, isn't this some kind of achievement? Especially for someone like me who easily gets bored. I remember I used to talk with Anati a lot on how did people even be together for a really long time without feeling bored but it's actually possible guys. I learnt that relationships have their ups and downs, roller coaster, funs and plains, spicy and tasteless. At one sec, it's just plain, nothing much happens between yalls and at another sec, it gets too chaotic and havoc. 

Plus, like I said in the beginning of this post that we are really really different. 

He's very calm and I'm very not chilled. 

I get pissed off at every little thing but he is okay with almost everything. 

He's very laid-back and I really can't keep my chill in the ass.

 I'm very the word-type of person like I really love it when people randomly give me long messages but he's not anywhere near a poet. 

He rarely sends me more than 10 messages and I be spamming him 30 messages at a time. 10 messages is the total of messages he sends per day lol joking, but maybe just around that number anyways. 

He's so organised and I'm so unplanned. I love impromptu plans but he hates it. 

I'm always overthinking but he never thinks, anything. At all. 

The difference I'm talking about is not just simple preferences like Danielle likes that food and I hate that food or he loves the car but I hate that car. It's about the personality and how we think and because of this, I once thought that it's impossible to go on with this relationship (yeah because I really do overthink)

Despite all of the differences, we still managed to go this far, strongly counting the days. I wish we count forever. 

Till then, love Danielle so much! hehe

BYE YALLS PLS JUST SKIP THIS CRINGEY POST OKAY! 

En route to loving myself

Hi, guys. It's been a long time since I last wrote anything. I usually rant on my Twitter now while full knowing that no one cares about them lol.

I was watching Netflix, Atypical and it's not bad. I mean, it actually attracts me because most of Netflix series did not really catch my attention. I paused for a while because I JUST NEED TO WRITE DOWN MY THOUGHTS NOW.

Is this a sign of I'm loving myself more now? 

I did not care about people that much anymore. I used to be dead worried and couldn't stop spamming messages saying sorry, explaining myself again and again, couldn't bring myself to do anything because I was super anxious when the other person did not reply to me. I tried so hard to hold me from calling many times. I felt really miserable because I felt like I was the worst person ever to make my loved person become mad at me. I would cry and sometimes I hyperventilated because I was too stressed, I couldn't breath and the only way was to sleep but it was almost impossible to sleep in such a condition. I would put on my sad songs on shuffle just to add up more my sadness. 

I would only feel better after they replied to me, even one message. But then, I would continue to feel miserable until the other person is really really okay. That shit, sucks tbh. I immediately stopped the fun I was having at the moment, I automatically became unhappy, moody and upset until they are okay. That sucks when your emotions depends on other people.

It's not okay at all to depend emotionally on people. 

You feel you, you do you, you decide for yourself.

Surprisingly, today, I didn't spam as much as I used to do. I still said sorry for quite many times but that's it. I don't spam when they don't reply, I only say things that need to be said. I wouldn't say I feel good but it's better than before. I don't know if it's because I'm distracted or sumn but I'm quite happy about that. I mean, it is an improvement, for me, at least. 

Being sad ain't fun at all. Being stressed snatches all the fun away. 

I think this is just a reflection of what people do to me. No one has ever felt that guilty when they do me anything wrong so why should I be all sad? If they can enjoy while I'm not okay, why can't I right? 

I learnt this the hard way. I went through the bad ways before I actually came to this. Even up until now, I don't know how long I could last. I mean, I could be writing about all those things above but you wouldn't know if I'm going spamming after this saying sorry again and explaining shits again lol silly me. 

I'm going to post this. 

Learn to love yourself 

:)

Full of rants.

Hello everyone!

 It's been ages since I last wrote here,I rant to people now most of the times so yeah. 

And also Twitter, but not so much because I'm a bit worried that people might get annoyed which should be the last thing I ever have to think about.

I went through my blog a few days ago and surprisingly, it kind of brought back all the the things that have happened back in years ago. I mean like, I ACTUALLY DID MAKE IT INTO A BLOGPOST THAT I CAN READ AGAIN. For example, I just knew that I've only worked for two months at the previous boutique but I said I worked for four months in my latest resume LOL. 

Life?

Plain? Boring? Emotional roller coaster? 

I've just finished matriculation,so I stayed home all day, did all the housewife things (COME MEMINANG ME ALREADY jk), and now I'm working as a boutique assistant but resigning soon though! 

I'm writing again because I just need a medium to express what I feel? I think writing a post would help me, a place that I can let out everything that I cannot speak, and got no limits most importantly hehe. 

(I START TO GET EMOTIONAL FOR NO REASON)

These past few weeks,I've been having mood swings, really bad ones I would say. At one second, I laugh out loud. The next second,you would see me crying so hard. For no reason. Maybe deep down,I do know the reasons but it may sound ridiculous,doesn't make sense at all to others, things that even if I tell people, they still won't understand, like WHAT ARE YOU CRYING ABOUT YOU CRYBABY ??? THERE'S NOTHING TO CRY ABOUT!!

I've been overthinking a lot. Things that I never thought it could affect me this much. I never thought that seeing people having a life could make me overthink so much. I'm happy to see them having their lives sorted,but it makes me think about myself. Like,

'when am I gonna have my life sorted?'

 'Can I be succesful one day?'

 'Can I achieve what I dream of?'

'Why can't I go out like my friends?'

'Why do I feel very suffocated inside?'

'Why do I not have life like others?'

and the list goes on and on....

IT WOULD TAKE THE WHOLE POST TO LIST EVERY SINGLE THING.

(the songs I'm listening to now is not helping, now i feel like crying again gosh HAHA)

It sucks to feel like this. It happens more often now compared to before. I used to get them only when my periods are coming but now,it happens whenever it feels like to be it when I'm with my family or when I'm out and about,anywhere, anytime. 

I don't know exactly the things that have turned me into such a fragile human, probably because I repeat the same boring thing everyday that may lead to become emotionally exhausted. I,personally,think that it might be one of the major things that affect because I like to be busy, I like to have things to do, I love to see everything neat, I like to plan my days, but when this happens, I just don't have the energy to do anything. I prefer to overthink and cry again and repeat. That sucks gosh.

and you know what, I feel so much better while writing this because I can type out the things that I'm thinking. I hate to keep it within myself, I rasa serabut, I rasa semak. I'm a very chatty person so imagine a very talkative one, keeping everything to myself,that's...hard man. It's hard when you can't explain to people why you are crying but at the same time, you need them to accompany you. It's hard when they have to deal with your mood swings everytime it happens. It is annoying. I,myself,feel that it is annoying when I become like this. 

I tried to find things to distract me like watching movies, going through social medias but all of those things didn't help much. 1 I am very picky about movies 2 social medias sometimes are the reason why I feel even worse.

Maybe, I should try harder to have a...life. Plan things. Do different things everyday. Read more books. One chapter a day so I will have things to do everyday lol. Try new recipes. Try to find things that can make me have fun other than going out because I'm in the process to become a stay-home-person or else,my parents would sjhbisbsiks LOL. You know,yeah hahaha.

I feel better now so this is it for now. Bye piPOL. 

Post-SPM updates!

Hello and Assalamualaikum everyone!

How are you doing? I hope you have a nice day ahead!

This post has nothing much,just me gonna rambling about what I do after SPM. It's been around 3 months since SPM and there's a few new things that I've tried and I basically just kill time which is not really good la cuz I should use this time wisely and do many things but you know what,damn it!  I don't know what to do so yeah,here it is!

I've planned this way before SPM actually. I wanted to work. I really wanted to work because who doesn't want money man. I had the imagination of having the money that I worked for all to myself! Gonna pamper myself with things that I wanted to buy,wanted to hang out,wanted to go interesting places and many more. I did get myself a job. As a boutique assistant. The boutique was just opened and I don't think it's launched yet by now. I was the first worker because at that time I was searching for job with Amir as he was also searching for job but it's quite hard for him as boutiques don't really accept men. The boss was taking out the pieces when I came and the boutique wasn't set up that much yet. Instantly,I got the job because they really needed an assistant by that time. I was told that there was another one who already applied for the position but would come next week due to some matter. I was happy because I got the job and so the routine started... 

I came to work by 10,swept the floor,mopped,cleaned the glasses,arranged the display items and kept waiting for the customers. By noon,I went lunch together with Danial and sometimes with the others; Anati,Apek,Amir,Azaim,Syakirah. The usual faces *rolling eyes* *nah jk* It was okay and the bosses also liked to buy food for me. Then the newbie came. She was okay,except she's older than me by a few years. She talked alot,about her experiences,about work and stuff. Not so long after that,her friend also came to work there so I was kinda left out because they always chatted together and when it's lunch time,they always went out together so I was left alone. Not that I really cared though because I was always with my phone,my battery couldn't last more than 90%. I never missed the leaves,I always would have plans on my day off. Be it hanging out at Amir's cafe (you guys should try coming to Readers' Heaven and Coffee, I love their iced chocolate and their choco rolls) or watching movies (I swear we really had nothing to do we almost watched all the new movies to the point there's nothing anymore we could watch at GSC). Most of the times,I just hanged out at the cafe because there's no one at home and I was just killing time,playing cards,chatting with them. Do you watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S? Yes,that's us. That's how we hang out,exactly. In January,I took 4 days off to go to Penang to travel with Asetapillah!! I will talk about Penang in other post or this post is gonna be freaking long. Long story short,I quitted the job after 2 months of working because I wanted to try new things but I ended up staying at home doing nothing until now. Great,isn't it?

I'm just telling about my work and it's already this long??? I think I should make a pt2 because I'm not gonna like put everything in here. See ya next time then! BYe!

Travel there,travel here!!

Hello and Assalamualaikum guys!

This morning,I managed to not continue sleeping in yay! Cmon,that's a big achievement on this extra one day-holiday given by our PM. It's very calming and cosy and coldddd.Last night,it was raining so the morning is just purrrfect.

Okay,so just now I was reading Asma Nasa's blog who is a fashion designer (she produces such BEAUTIFULLLLL DRESSESSSS,I'm so gonna purchase them when I have money later) who is also Vivy Yusof's bestfriend.I knew Vivy Yusof first then that's when I started to know her,Asma Nasa   (i mean,online). She posted about her trip to I'm not sure where but what matters more is the pictures! OMG,I REALLY WANT TO GO THERE AND JUST TRAVEL LIKE HER! If you follow her on Instagram, you would see her pictures are mostly overseas. I'm not envy,I just wish that one day I could be like that as well.

It's so fun to always be on the air and just go to sudden trips.I actually don't mind whether it's local or overseas.In fact,I would love to explore Malaysia first before I go to overseas because gosh guys,I swear to you, if you ever say Malaysia is boring and Malaysia has nothing like the overseas have,nop guys! You're wronggg,there's so many amazing things in Malaysia that people actually rarely go. We always go to the attractions but actually if we explore more,there are so much more than just the attractions that we see on the Internet especially if you're a nature lover. Forests in Malaysia,so far, Alhamdulillah,are still taken care.There are reserved forests and all and I hope it would stay like that even in the future as we see now,all the jungles are slowly disappearing tu fulfill humans' needs, constructions,papers,places. It's love-hate relationships. You need to develop in order to get your country stand tall but at the same time,you need to destroy the nature.It needs to be controlled basically, nothing can ever go over the limits or else it will affect in the way someday,somehow.

I also really want to try this!! - just go to sudden trips,by sudden I mean we just hit up each other and "let's go to Sabah!" and just buy the plane ticket and bring only phone and camera and sunnies.  That's it! All the clothes,I buy there only. Obviously,you're gonna need lots of bucks in order to do that. You don't want to wear the same outfit and the same underwears for 5 days straight erk..

Anati and I also always talk about travelling here and there.We've been planning to go travel together to Europe since we were in Form One! We even planned a budget for our trip man. We planned to save since 2013 so by 2017,we would have the money ready already for our trip.RM1 a day multiple 360,we would get RM360 per year. RM360 multiple 1800 days (5 years),hah! We could get RM648K!!! But..budget is just left as budget. It didn't happen,obviously. We spent too much on food and Uber. I really need to work after I finish SPM!

Or I might as well find myself a rich guy....

It's hard being an adult

Hello and Assalamualaikum guys!!!

It's been such a long time since I last wrote here.It is so hectic and busy and chaotic especially the SPM is just around the corner and currently,I'm actually having trials going on but I don't know why, I love to write during exams. It's just the mood chooses to come during exams so yeah. Plus.I'm also on public holiday so why don't we just put all the books aside and let the fingers run through keyboard :) (after hours of not revising anything) 

Okay,so just now I was doing some facial,hair up in a bun,cleaning my face,putting on masks,spraying toner,using moisturizer,splash some water on the face and just lazying around on the bed while watching YouTube videos. Life is good,isn't it? (p/s: My trial hasn't finished yet guys).I watched Zoe's Q&A video and there's a person asked her,if she ever went to uni,what course she would be taking and it made me think. I've been thinking about this for so many times and pondering over it. What course should I take? What subject should I pursue? What do I wanna be? What work am I gonna do when I grow up? Am I actually good enough in this field? Do I really love this or I wanna do this because I'm influenced by all the Kdramas I'm watching?

So,all those question keep playing in my mind.I'm a lost teen,man. I don't know what I wanna do. If you ask me now,I won't have an answer to that because I'm absolutely lost on what I wanna do. I don't have much time anymore because I just applied for matriks and after this,I'm pretty sure the teachers would ask us to apply for universities. Yet,I still don't have anything specific in mind. And,I know this is not a good thing.I mean,you gotta be specific on what you want.

When I was little,I used to have so many dreams. A TV host,a doctor,a teacher,a lawyer,an engineer, you mention it all,I've dreamt it but as I grow up,I tend to follow the flow. I just live the life. It's not that I live the life aimlessly but I live for the day. I'm always like "ahh that's okay,I still have lots of time to think about this" and boom! I'm in Form 5 and I'm already doing my trials.I feel like I'm okay with most of the subjects I take (I'm taking Science stream btw) but I'm not sure whether I should be pursuing Science or not.Like,am I really interested in Science or is it just because I took Science stream in high school? Or should I try something else other than Science like law? or maybe literature? I mean,I used to feel like being a lawyer but my heart isn't really cornered there at the moment. I feel like I'm okay in most of the fields but it's just "okay". It's not like I have passion in it or I really love the field.I can do it but yeah,that's just it.

I always hear people say that we should do what we love,what we like,what we're really passionate in but I don't even know what I like. I like many things which makes it even harder than not liking anything at all because you have so many choices and you're scared you're gonna regret if you don't take that course and stuff like that.

Being an adult is hard,man. 

But,I also don't wish to become a child again. I mean,I'm a step closer to drive a carrrr. Cmon,who wouldn't want a driving license?

How do you guys handle this? 

It's been a while

Hello and Assalamualaikum!! 

It's been a while since I last wrote anything here.It was last year,I guess? OMG That's such a long time ago! I did this every single time I made a blog.I created,I wrote a lot then I stopped.Which normally ended with me deleting the blog and creating a new one after that LOL.

First of all,happy Ramadan to all muslims in the whole world.I wish you the best Ramadan and may Allah bless your Ramadan.Let's together make good deeds.No excuse la since all devils are tied.

"In Ramadan,our true nature exposes but it's also the month we cleanse our soul"

Do you guys still remember when I planned to update post everyday during Ramadan last year but also stopped halfway? I find it super fun when I see my favourite youtubers doing vlogmas so I thought,why not us muslim do Ramadan blogposts.You know,we can use it to reflect on ourselves and see what we can improve and whatnot.

I miss writing omg.I didn't realise this until I start writing again.This year has been a roller coaster.So many ups and downs and now we're already in half of the year,the first of June!! It's actually harder when you write it.Writing this makes me rewind everything that has happened this year which makes me having mixed feelings.I feel happy,sad,uneasy,overwhelmed,heavy and many other emotions mixed altogether.

I'm super busy this year I didn't have time to think about this little space of mine.I also rarely spent my time with my friends these days but now I'm starting to slow down on my prefects' work and and spend more time on myself with my family and friends. I'm currently liking this lifestyle but I also miss my busy life where I didn't even have time to have my recess,to have my lunch and my days were just filled with meetings and see her see him.Also,that's one way for me to keep fit lol because I'm such an eater. When I'm not busy,all I think about are "what does my mom cook today?" "when is the class ending??? I wanna have my recess" "Oh I still got some money.Hmmm I feel like eating sausages" "Let's go to McD"

So,when my time is fully occupied,I don't even have time to think about food.

You probably thought I was some kind of businesswoman or what but the reality is,I'm just a 17 years old girl who is busy with her school life LOL.

How did I end up writing here?

I was searching up for a movie to keep me awake because it's public holiday and it's Ramadan so a very perfect time to sleep in allldayyy errdayyy but I've slept in five days in a row and I don't want to get headache again today.You know,the pain you feel around your eyes when you oversleep.Yeah,that one,I don't like it.Also,sleeping in makes me a lot more exhausted than when I don't sleep.Once in a while,it's okay but if it's everyday,I cannot handle it.

So back to the story,I was searching up for a movie and thennn,Baba Zhou popped up in my mind and I thought."hmm why not we write a post?" so that explains why I'm here and it feels good to be back.It's as if I'm back to my old 16 years old life.Nothing much happened in 2016 but it was a great year.

I also want to rant huhu I lost my pencil box!!! I'm someone who studies with lots of pens because I like it when my reference books are filled with scribbles and lines and highlights.It makes me feel like a genius (who else is like this? HAHA) and I planned to polish up on my addmaths but my calculator was in my pencil box :') I need to buy a new one.I don't really care about the pens and highlighters but what I care is my calculator! It's priceless! There's this assurance feeling when I have my calculator like I can do everything with it.Yeah.

Talking about calculator makes me uneasy thinking about my trial is just around the corner so I should stop here.See you in next post (which I don't promise will be in this year LOL).Hope you enjoy this! Byeeee!